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Aeyvi

Aeyvi

Female, lives in United Kingdom

Aeyvi wrote
Aeyvi

Brave enough to try visit again. Things here (rl) are getting back to some sort of strained normality. I don't think things will ever return to what they were but time will tell. Either way, I'm doing my best.

 

I was reading through my old posts on Anook-blog and I think its just my 'crash' pattern and best described in a post from Apr 2016: " Some situations just don't always have a solution are inevitable so, rather than letting it make me bitter and that bitterness feeding through to a community I care about, I 'left' those things that were highlighting or making the issue worse for me (anook/disco). Should that happen again, I will do this again, because I don't want the yuck to spread and I believe it's the most healthy thing for me to do both for myself and the community."

 

Really, am truly grateful for all of your support at this time and through everything that's happened recently. I am lucky enough to not have people judging me for needing time away while trying to sort shit out and cope with things. Friendship, for me, is not something that requires an attendance record, it's shown in so many ways, both big and small. It's nice to know that some people really do feel the same and that's a comfort. It's either there or it's not though, and I'm sorry to have let anyone down.

 

I do apologize for the outburst above, I was under considerable stress and I find my mental health incredibly difficult to manage at the moment, hence why I don't want it impacting on any community I'm in at the moment. I'm trying my best to find help, though it's just not really catered for in my area. People are, of course, an amazing support and I know I will feel lots better when I'm back with you all. I just hope that I can function somewhat close to what I used to and not let anyone down or upset anyone. Things may be quieter than before (some will be glad to hear!)..or I may end up being more blunt and distant, I don't know.. but please, please don't take this personally, you know how much I care about you all after this much time.

 

It can't be said enough. Thank you.

Agagor
  • Nov 17, 2017, 8:29:54 AM
Agagor

/hug

DanucasB
  • Nov 18, 2017, 6:56:58 PM
DanucasB

/squidge ♥

Aeyvi
  • Nov 20, 2017, 4:53:47 PM
Aeyvi

<3<3<3<3<3 means more than you know! /soppy.

Aeyvi wrote
Aeyvi

::Everyday::

The first thing I feel when when I wake is not joy for the sunrise, nor love for another or happiness and delight at the start of a new day.

 

It is pain. Every morning. No fail.

 

The physical pain, my joints stabbing, my muscles spasming, the faint tremor in my hands and arms. The sickness in my stomach, the cramps in my abdomen. The thumping, stabbing pains in my head. Hoping that my legs will work, hoping that my voice will work.

 

I gulp down all the medicines that someone my age shouldn’t even have to be taking.

 

Then the eating. Eating is mostly a misery. Yey for food, most say. Avoiding eating can only last so long. Afterwards crying out with the pain of it and confined to the bathroom in agony.

 

Then the mental pain of how much I have failed. The pain in your chest from the anxiety. Scared of food, of people, of going out. Ashamed of yourself and the way you are. Making sure the butterfly stitches are still in place from self-injury. The hours of crying over the gut wrenching sadness.

 

The panic attacks and fear that you might collapse in public and have an attack, or that you might vomit or shit yourself. The feeling of loneliness is staggering and overwhelming. The deep sadness in my heart that never leaves. Berating myself for not being able to be normal, to be happy.

 

All the countless doctors, operations, prescriptions.

 

Be positive, some say.

 

This is my day.

 

Then, I come online.

Mostly to support, compassion and kindness. More than I deserve. The thing I am most grateful for.

 

But then, to words telling you how much you have failed them, their expectations, all the wrong things you’ve done, how you didn’t give them enough attention. Turning your actions or words against you.

 

To disrespect and anger.

 

I know that I’m evil and horrible. I try to tell people and they try to convince me otherwise.

 

It’s enough to topple you back over the edge, back into the pit of sadness that you were trying to escape.

 

I can’t work out whether being online is a good or bad thing anymore, or if it’s just one big masquerade.

LunaDra
  • Nov 12, 2017, 6:18:39 PM
LunaDra

You know what I think so not gonna repeat myself here, just a supporting <3

Firkan
  • Nov 13, 2017, 10:37:09 AM
Firkan

Saddens me that you have to go through that shit every single day, but we already talk alot and you know how i think, BIG hug

Aeyvi
  • Nov 16, 2017, 2:27:37 PM
Aeyvi

Thank you so much.. honestly, really from the bottom of my heart. *hugs all* .. I wrote the response in a separate post as it was a bit of an essay, but I wanted to say thank you here too x

Aeyvi

Site creation time!

Echoes of Eorzea: Creating a Screenshot Gallery Site - MMOGames.com
www.mmogames.com
In this week's article, I will be providing a guide on creating a screenshot gallery site from scratch, start …
Aeyvi is now following Visko.
Aeyvi
Santuary 25+ Mature Social Free Company - Odin EU

Santuary 25+ Mature Social Free Company - Odin EU



Sanctuary [Odin EU] is a close knit community of players formed through friendship and former guild association. This is a fairly new endeavour, as such there are currently few online, however, we are hoping to grow steadily to build a very relaxing and peaceful atmosphere. Our members are happy in their own company, as well as with that of others. We have a small cozy house in Shirogane and a friendly Discord server for chatty stuffs.

We share a very casual approach to gaming and hope to maintain a kind, helpful and relaxed atmosphere. Real life time constraints are important and so we strive to create a community of like minded, mature players that can enjoy the game at their own pace. If you are looking for a small, warm family of players to enjoy the game with then please take a look at the recruitment section. All levels and abilities are welcome. Quality over quantity.

Sanctuary is primarily a social FC and if/when we have events they will be very casual and community based. We currently do not have plans to raid.. yet!

To comply with alcohol legislation and because we are an aging population *creaks bones* (and it's just our standard rule) we have an age requirement of 25+. The only exception to this is if you were/are a member of the Whitestar community.


Basically:

  • We are casual and happy to do stuff alone and together.
  • We maintain a mature, friendly and helpful community.
  • We do not expect or require anyone to ‘min-max’.
  • No level requirement - we care about you as a person, not your pixels.
  • No drama please (Sith powers will be used)!


Social Expectations
It is hoped that every person within the free company will participate socially, be kind to others and help maintain a friendly atmosphere within the FC.

If you choose to have over your pixel head we hope and expect that you will represent the free company in a positive way.

If you feel that you cannot maintain the mindset of the FC then perhaps this is not the home for you (sorry!). Should we experience behaviour that goes against the free company's principals then it is possible you will either fail the trial period, be demoted to trialist or be kindly asked to leave.

Sanctuary will not tolerate:

  • Harassment of any sort.
  • Using the free company for personal gain.
  • Any form of bad/elitist behaviour towards other players.
  • Creating a bad atmosphere within the free company.
  • Immature behaviour in global channels.

Please click here for the application form!

Please fill out ALL of the questions as fully as possible. The more you write, the better impression of your personality we get. If questions are left blank you will either be asked to answer them or the application may be declined.

Ensure you have read the Free Company Information section!

[Yes, this is Bene ToS! *cough*]
[Moved from forums to blog!]

Aeyvi

More survey stuffsies! Happy and sad experiences of FFXIV as told by the players/ex-players.

Echoes of Eorzea: FFXIV Survey Results #3 - MMOGames.com
www.mmogames.com
Welcome to the FFXIV Survey Results series. In this series of articles, I will be looking through the results …
Savian
  • Oct 25, 2017, 5:44:15 PM
Savian

Excellent read as always! I can say most of my answers pretty much fit the norm. Community is great, MSQ is great, classes are great. Stuff can be a bit slow sometimes. Also, Hildy xD Good job hun!

Aeyvi
  • Oct 26, 2017, 5:06:34 PM
Aeyvi

@Savian Yeah there's both good and bad! I think most people, even the developers, are honest about the bad things! Thanks once again for reading, much appreciated :)

Aeyvi

I was lucky enough to talk to @Sharm this week about FFXIV for the community spotlight! Such a lovely lady <3!

FFXIV Community Spotlight: Sharm - MMOGames.com
www.mmogames.com
Welcome to the FFXIV Community Spotlight column! This column runs parallel with the Echoes of Eorzea series of …
Savian
  • Oct 11, 2017, 4:05:39 PM
Savian

Great read, great interview! And when you got Sharm with you, you know it's going to be awesome :D *Mage-walks away humming 'My Crit'*

Aeyvi
  • Oct 12, 2017, 3:11:48 AM
Aeyvi

@Savian Thanks so much for taking the time to read!

Savian
  • Oct 12, 2017, 12:18:34 PM
Savian

Always worth my time to read your articles, dear!

Aeyvi uploaded a picture to Whitestar
Aeyvi

Congratulations all!!

Aeyvi
  • Oct 9, 2017, 2:57:13 PM
Aeyvi

I do have one without the gum too ;) but it felt very appropriate (yet accidental)!

Aeyvi

I stressed out way too much with this one.. 18hrs solid work in one day (30mins break). Maybe I'm just hideously slow but it didn't help having someone come in the hallway and yell 'HAI ALL' to the whole house when I was on the 4(00)th retake of recording, lol! But oh well, if you're interested in lighting and studio things, here you go! (Also helps if you attach the links.. doh!)

Echoes of Eorzea: GPose Studio & Portrait Guide - MMOGames.com
www.mmogames.com
In article 8 of Echoes of Eorzea, we briefly discussed creating our own green screens in-game and I mentioned …
Savian
  • Sep 27, 2017, 6:07:55 PM
Savian

Read, liked, commented, subscribed, printed out and put it on my wall! Super amazing work once more <3

Aeyvi
  • Sep 27, 2017, 11:20:30 PM
Aeyvi

@Savian Thanks so much!! Everyone has been so amazing lately, really really appreciate the support and encouragement. Wah! I just don't know how to give this back!

Aeyvi

Moving the FFXIV screenshot spam (most of it!) to here, trying to be a bit more organised and near^^. Finally managed to make it look a bit more acceptable, I hope!

Portfolio Page
aeyvi.wordpress.com
FFXIV Screenshot Art
Aeyvi
  • Sep 23, 2017, 11:42:48 PM
Aeyvi

@Kaleo Thanks so much! <3

Cornilius
  • Sep 24, 2017, 8:46:48 AM
Cornilius

Very neat! Keep this up :)

Aeyvi
  • Sep 24, 2017, 6:46:13 PM
Aeyvi

@Cornilius Thank Ed! :)