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Showing all 3 posts tagged "free".
We're All a Little Wiggy

Ludwig "Wiggy" Wittgenstein once pointed out that if a lion could speak, we wouldn't understand it. Why did he choose lion? For the purposes of this blog post, I wish he'd chosen something a little less classy. Because I'm going to patronize fans of pro-wrestling when I say maybe it's this kind of Wiggy philosophy that explains how something so incredibly stupid as WWE2K16 could be so popular.

Yeah, I'm going there. Free game via XBox Games with Gold for the second half of August. I was not looking forward to it. I have never been a fan of pro-wrestling. Not because it's fake. Not even because it's a bunch of half-naked men rubbing up on each other. More it's the fans, (not all of them) but the few bad apples who think that since their favorite "sport" is about kicking ass, they, too, must kick-ass.

(And look, the only reason I feel like I can even get away with saying the above is because no one reads this stupid blog. Truthfully, I think people should be allowed to like whatever they want to like, and who cares what my opinion is. Also, that John Cena seems like a decent guy, in that video where he equated patriotism with accepting diversity. So who am I to judge).

But even though I wasn't looking forward to the game, there was the little sliver of me that always holds out hope that a game will surprise me with some nuance or innovation that will delight me. Goat Simulator was like that.

But WWE2K16 was just awful. The game started, and I had no idea what I was doing--typical-- but then little pop-ups would explain how I could do things-- and they were some of the most overly-complicated nonsense I ever seen in a game. Twirling sticks and pressing buttons and micro-second timing just so I could duck a punch and punch back? What is this bullcrap? I couldn't delete the game fast enough. (Seriously. Deleting a game off of an XBox One console is as overly-complicated as executing a suplex stink-face bronco-buster.)

A what? Thanks, Google, for the wrestling move names there. You said them, but I have no understanding. That's all I can say about WWE2K16: nothing. Which makes sense since no one reads my blog and therefor, in sense, no one understands the nothing I say either.

Free Games Are Sometimes Free for a Reason

Now that we’re in the second half of July, we get our other “free” game from Xbox Games with Gold. Tumblestone, it’s called. I played it for about an hour. Don’t think I’ll ever play it again.

At least, not on my TV or PC. You know how they sometimes port a game from console to mobile? I think they did it the other way around this time.

All you do is shoot blocks, clearing them, but once you shoot a block of a certain color you have to shoot two others of the same color before you can shoot a different color. Sounds simple, and it is. The challenge comes in getting the order right. There’s probably some algorithm for solving each board.

It’s all wrapped up in a cutesy theme that starts in Egypt and then there’s an ogre and then I got bored. Just like you did with this review.

Limbo Makes Me Want to Eat Sherbert

Limbo is free on Steam RIGHT NOW (as I type this, who knows when I’ll post it. I have a 9-month old baby, for crying out loud). So I downloaded it, of course. Might as well start calling this Bukkhead’s Cheap-Ass Gaming Blog, for all the free games I’m playin’.

First thing I noticed was that it’s pretty small, for a download. Then again, it’s all black and shades of gray, doesn’t require any kind of wicked engine or graphics library. So I guess what we’ve got here is an Atmospheric Puzzle Platforming Side-Scroller (APPSS).

(I just made that genre up. If you’re reading this and you’re a big-time video game journal website producer, I do free lance work and can do interviews after 8 PM (when the baby goes to bed)).

I like atmospheric games, but they’re a one-off, aren’t they. Games like Refunct and Stanley’s Parable. The Witness was sort of like that, although it’s not a one-off (there’s a big hole in my blogging timeline thanks to that game). But you know what I mean: games that are not about the twitch, but all about that emotion.

Actually, so far in Limbo, there’s been a few twitch moments. I keep dying. That’s what you do in this game, instead of going through a tutorial: death is your tutorial.


At one point, I walked under a stamp thing that stamped me. So I learned to jump on the mini button. But then the next stamp thing, I got stamped when I jumped on the mini button. I was supposed to avoid it. Doesn’t seem fair.

But there was a pay off, because then I got chased by some dudes, and they didn’t get do-overs when THEY got stamped.


Otherwise, I’m digging the atmosphere, figuring out the puzzles, taking a break from driving cars and summoning demons and shooting cartoon robots with my twin shotguns. Don’t think it’ll much of a break though. I’ll play as long as I can, but these #@$%^& shotguns aren’t going to shoot themselves.

(note to self: video game idea. Instead of carrying shotguns, player IS the shotguns. Call it “I, Birdshot, or something).