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Showing all 4 posts tagged "games-with-gold".
She Shoots, We Score?

I know a guy who worked on the original Xbox team. The hardware side, the box itself. I can remember playing one of the early titles, that he was very excited about. It was "Beyond Good and Evil" and as he played, we marveled at how pretty and smooth it all was.

That was 11 years ago. Nowadays, things that were original to the first Xbox don't look pretty or smooth anymore. Nostalgia's nice, but only for a while. And here's what's funny about Beyond Good and Evil HD, which is free for the next two weeks via Games with Gold: it's an "update" to that old game, but it is, itself, now three years old. So what you're getting is a game that's a retro 360 title of a retro OG title. Ain't that a silly pair of pants.

I tried it out today and I might play a little more. I like the concept, running around taking pictures of things--it's not a new concept, and the collector part of my personality likes any game that has this feature (it's one of the reason I've logged 40 hours playing No Man's Sky but haven't left my starting solar system yet).

Otherwise the game's got that feel-good retro thing going, like I said, and it's a bit of a hodge-podge: there's a war, but it looks like it's media-sponsored. There's robots, a pig who is a mechanic, a hologram Latino complete with stereotypical accent, goat-children, and eyeballs on stalks you fight with sticks. Oh, and you live in a lighthouse, which has an electric shield, which only runs if you pay your electricity bill.

I didn't delete it after playing for 30 minutes, so there's that.

We're All a Little Wiggy

Ludwig "Wiggy" Wittgenstein once pointed out that if a lion could speak, we wouldn't understand it. Why did he choose lion? For the purposes of this blog post, I wish he'd chosen something a little less classy. Because I'm going to patronize fans of pro-wrestling when I say maybe it's this kind of Wiggy philosophy that explains how something so incredibly stupid as WWE2K16 could be so popular.

Yeah, I'm going there. Free game via XBox Games with Gold for the second half of August. I was not looking forward to it. I have never been a fan of pro-wrestling. Not because it's fake. Not even because it's a bunch of half-naked men rubbing up on each other. More it's the fans, (not all of them) but the few bad apples who think that since their favorite "sport" is about kicking ass, they, too, must kick-ass.

(And look, the only reason I feel like I can even get away with saying the above is because no one reads this stupid blog. Truthfully, I think people should be allowed to like whatever they want to like, and who cares what my opinion is. Also, that John Cena seems like a decent guy, in that video where he equated patriotism with accepting diversity. So who am I to judge).

But even though I wasn't looking forward to the game, there was the little sliver of me that always holds out hope that a game will surprise me with some nuance or innovation that will delight me. Goat Simulator was like that.

But WWE2K16 was just awful. The game started, and I had no idea what I was doing--typical-- but then little pop-ups would explain how I could do things-- and they were some of the most overly-complicated nonsense I ever seen in a game. Twirling sticks and pressing buttons and micro-second timing just so I could duck a punch and punch back? What is this bullcrap? I couldn't delete the game fast enough. (Seriously. Deleting a game off of an XBox One console is as overly-complicated as executing a suplex stink-face bronco-buster.)

A what? Thanks, Google, for the wrestling move names there. You said them, but I have no understanding. That's all I can say about WWE2K16: nothing. Which makes sense since no one reads my blog and therefor, in sense, no one understands the nothing I say either.

So You Say You Want a (Tron) Evolution, Well, You Know...

Another free game this month is Tron Evolution, free for Xbox 360 gamers and backwards compatible so it’s free for Xbox One users as well. I played it just now for a bit. It’s very pretty and all that but jerky and unforgiving and now I have a headache.

It’s got a lot of cut scenes that pop up all the time, telling the story that bridges the gap between the first Tron movie and the remakey-sequel. I’ve seen both movies but I don’t recall the plot too well, although I think I know what’s going on. There’s these things called Isos that have free will and all the programs that don’t have free will hate them.

Yeah, I know, not possible. But then, we’ve got entire moralities based on a bunch of angels hating these new beings God invented called “humans” so why not Disney have some fun with the idea and pay Jeff Bridges some more money.

The game is okay I guess, although I don’t see myself finishing it. I finally got to a light-cycle scene, for example, and it was sort of phoned-in from a game play perspective. But if you like overly-complicated fighting systems and dying a lot for no reason, give the game a try.

Free Games Are Sometimes Free for a Reason

Now that we’re in the second half of July, we get our other “free” game from Xbox Games with Gold. Tumblestone, it’s called. I played it for about an hour. Don’t think I’ll ever play it again.

At least, not on my TV or PC. You know how they sometimes port a game from console to mobile? I think they did it the other way around this time.

All you do is shoot blocks, clearing them, but once you shoot a block of a certain color you have to shoot two others of the same color before you can shoot a different color. Sounds simple, and it is. The challenge comes in getting the order right. There’s probably some algorithm for solving each board.

It’s all wrapped up in a cutesy theme that starts in Egypt and then there’s an ogre and then I got bored. Just like you did with this review.